Brian Williams:

Before we start, the ground rules: To the the peanut gallery: no clapping, standing, booing or showing your displeasure with the media in any way. You must be quiet and listen. To the candidates: There will be no mention of the President – His Fantasticness, unless of course you intend to praise him. This debate is solely about why none of you are fit to hold office. Now let’s begin:

Tonite, in an effort to inform the voters of Florida, let’s continue the conversation with the 1998 Terry Schaivo case. As you know, this is the number one issue on the minds of voters tonite. Senator Santorum?

As the conversation lingers we will pretend that Castro has died, and now all the Cubans want to come to the US. (Isn’t that backward Brian? If Castro goes away wouldn’t the Cubans celebrate getting their country back and stop trying to flee to the US?) What would you do about that Newt?

And now a conversation with Representative Ron Paul: We know your son was detained by the unconstitutional actions of the TSA this morning but I would prefer to get you to commit to running as a third party candidate. Your country needs you Rep Paul, and so does your president and his posse, the media. Can you promise you won’t let us down? And why don’t you dream about the White House?

And now lets turn the conversation to Governor Romney’s taxes. Is there anything you wish to apologize for Mitt?

And as we continue the conversation I note that the audience has left and the only TV’s still tuned to the debate are in the White House.

My job here is done.