Don’t tell anyone but I was a fly on the wall when Diane Sawyer and John Stephanopoulus developed their NH debate strategy. It went something like this:

Diane: I’m really excited about this debate. First of all, I cannot imagine the candidates agreeing to let us question them again after what we got away with last time.

George: You’ve spent far too much time at the White House Diane. The President is the smartest man in the history of earth. These guys aren’t even second tier, far from it, in fact. They are lap dogs looking for attention. Let’s make sure they get some.

Diane: Let’s both agree to the things that are off limits. No one mention those unconstitutional recess appointments. We need to highlight that everything is Congress’ fault, but if someone mentions the President’s circumvention of the Separation of Powers shut them up quickly.

George: Oh I’m good at that. And we will make it Everyone Against Romney. And let’s make sure that cool Jon Huntsman gets his say – in chinese if possible. People need to see that he is the best nominee. Oh and let’s ignore Rick Perry.

Diane: Good ideas, all. And let’s make sure Ron Paul gets a lot of non-foreign policy questions. If we can get him to run 3rd party then Obama is a shoe-in for re-election.

George: What we really need is a theme or two. (Slapping head) I’ve got it – the most pressing issues of the night will be 1. contraception and 2. gay marriage!

Diane: Brilliant George. Let’s remind people that there are a lot of things more important than jobs and the economy. The Iranian threat pales compared to contraception.

George: And here is how we will do it. We will trap Romney into saying he wants to repeal Roe v Wade, and hope he forgets Roe was predicated on Griswald which created a right to privacy so women could buy birth control without their husband’s permission. It’s perfect. Repeal of Roe v Wade equals opposing contraception. Romney will never know what hit him and we can spend the next 11 months talking about the fact that Romney is a heartless conservative who wants women to be chained at home barefoot and pregnant.

Diane: Brilliant! It’s no wonder you are the king of ABC, George.

George: And we will follow it up with showing their rampant homophobia.

Diane: I’ll make it personal: I’ll say – “Imagine two homosexuals are in your living room”. That alone should send Santorum into a fit.

George: LOL Diane, I can barely wait.

ring ring

Diane: Excuse me George, I’ve got to run, Michelle is on the line.